Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Love, love, love, love, love

Last night, I had this overwhelming feeling of love. Not towards anyone in particular. It was just that I felt it was still possible. That I still believe in it.

Ok, so I have to back up and explain a little. I have gone through my life not really knowing what true love is. Not what people say love is because that type is such a disappointment and not real, to me. Never really seen what true love is. Had a small glimpse, between my grandparents, but I was not around them long enough to fully see it. Not between my parents, my family, my friends. The love I have always seen seems to be so conditional.
If you make me mad, I don’t love you anymore. If you disappointment me, I don’t love you anymore. If you hurt me, I don’t love you anymore. Because you are flawed, I don’t love you anymore. That’s just crazy! (Regardless of all the stupid things we might do or say or even when we have the audacity to walk away from Him, He still loves us!)
So, it is now no wonder why my marriage didn’t work. It wasn’t real love, to me. (Just a random pick of an example)

Anyway, because of bad relationships in my life, whether family or otherwise, I was having a hard time believing in love. Now as far as relationships go……blah!!!
I don’t see any true ones anymore! Not lasting, not true….so why would I feel it would be there for me? Had one failed marriage under my belt and I don’t want another one. People don’t seem to stay true to each other. Then there are people who stay together just out of comfort or fear of being alone…..So as I was watching this movie last night, that overwhelming feeling came over me. I still believe in love! Man was it ever so strong! I woke up this morning and of course, the feeling has left the building! What is going on? I’m conversing with God about this. What is the problem? Why wouldn’t it stay? Then I get this, ‘because the enemy doesn’t want you to do things God’s way!’….WOW….
See along with the thoughts about still believing in love, came the thoughts about the intimacy that is shared between man and woman. That intimacy I want with someone I am in love with as well as that person being in love with me. My mind continues to go on the thought of how magical it will be when it happens, between the two people God intends to be together!

So as I was listening to some sermons today, my mind goes back to this love thing. The thoughts that came in were one that made me want to cry. I had prayed to God before when I was discussing love with Him, I said, “Lord, I say I love you because I do, but I need You to make me feel it in my heart…..I need to feel it there….” And that’s exactly what He keeps trying to do. (See this isn’t the first time I have had this overwhelming love feeling…I just now know what it is!) Who else can give you such an overwhelming feeling like that? No person, I tell you that! He keeps trying to get me to feel love in my heart! When I feel it that strong, it’s not because of anybody….it’s because of Him. But I need to do things His way….there is no other way. He is and always will continue to be amazing to me. His wonders never cease!

Forgive me if it seems like my thoughts are all over the place. It happens like that sometimes.

God is good and He never stops amazing me and I’ll never stop being amazed by Him, as long as I keep my eyes on Him.

Thank you Jesus!!!
God Bless!

Friday, July 9, 2010

So filled!

Such an amazing day! It all started with W.O.W. (Women of the Word Conference). It was truly amazing. The theme was "Forclosure on Sin" and the word was spoken by many different women. All from different churches with one goal. The Word of God. It was deeply powerful. They talked about breaking strongholds and what the Word of God can do. Also spoke of weapons against sin. Talked about forgiveness and repentance. It still amazes me when I come across someone, who I do not know, and when we pray, they pray over me and say so many things that I have been talking to God about! Things from my personal conversation with God. It is truly an awesome thing. It made me cry and cry. I know God hears me but confirmation still blows me away! It was awesome.

But what really, really moved the Holy Spirit within me, was later on. I went back to church for what was called, "One Night with the King...in His Sanctuary"....We were taken through the steps of getting to the Most Holy Place.
The Courtyard:
  1. The gates: John 14:6
  2. The Altar of Burnt Sacrifice: 2 Corinthians 5:21
  3. The Laver: Revelation 1:5
The Holy Place:
  1. The Candlestick: Isaiah 61:1
  2. The Table of Shewbread: John 6:35
  3. The Altar of Incense: Matthew 11:28
The Most Holy Place:
  • The Ark of the Covenant: Hebrews 1:3

There was a mighty move of God there. God was truly present and covering. I praised Him, thanked Him, cried to Him. I didn't want it to end. But what got me the most was towards the end, when the First Lady was saying the final prayer, I just started shaking. Nothing but the Holy Spirit!

It is something because just when I thought I couldn't love God anymore, I was shown otherwise. For all that He has done for me, I can't give Him enough. I am so grateful and thankful for Him being in my life. Nothing or no one is ever worth me losing my relationship with God. I am truly filled tonight...

As I was driving back home, I reflected on one specific thing. My relationship with my oldest son. It hadn't always been good. Especially since he reminded me of his father. He had just texted me to tell me he didn't like where his dad had taken him to eat. I told him to try to find something on the menu he might like. He said ok. Since walking with Jesus, my son and I have become closer. I have finally accepted him for him. He's not an angel, but I always see him trying. And even going on 15yrs old, as he leaves me to visit his father on the weekends, he still kisses me and tells me he loves me. He's not the angry young man I used to see. His loving side has truly come forth, to me and I pray he will continue to keep that loving spirit as he continues to mature. I pray for both of my boys to become Great Men of God. I use to think as a single mother, how could I do this? They need a male to guide them. But guess what? God is showing me something I never knew. That I can guide them as well, with His help. And when the time comes God will send a  true Man of God to come into their lives and continue to guide them.  God is so awesome! Amazing, loving, caring, providing....God is everything and He is everything to me. Thank you Jesus!

God Bless!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Following Him

Thank you sister Alissa, for inspiring today's blog!!
I was once in the dark and now am steadily traveling in the light. Once was blind but now I see. But I still have to be conscious of those who are still in the darkness. I pray for them. Of course, my sister's inspiration brought to remembrance what I had read a couple of days ago. Why people are hesitant to follow Jesus.

Some reasons why people are hesitant to follow Jesus:
  • Fear of making a mistake
  • It threatens their sinful ways
  • Too arrogant and egotistical to change
  • Fear it may put too many demands on their way of life
  • He reminds them of how wrong they are
  • Pride
  • Afraid to offend family tradition
  • Fear of rejection from family and friends
  • Jesus' way may seem too difficult
  • They think it's only for reclusive monks with no life in the real world
  • Waiting for non believing elders to pass on
  • Not willing to accept a vocation
  • Don't understand what the crucifix stands for
  • Still waiting for the Messiah to come
I can tell you right away, for me:
I feared it may put too many demands on my way of life ( it seemed like there were sooo many rules!), He reminded me of how wrong I was ( on sooo many things, you know we as humans hate to be wrong in the first place!), Jesus' way may seem too difficult (He is perfect, I am not, how can I do this?), and they think it's only for reclusive monks with no life in the real world (ok, not for reclusive monks but I was always trying to figure out with all the rules, how was I going to live a happy, fun life?)

I understand people, I understand. However, I also have come to know Jesus. Not know of Jesus, but know Jesus. None of His commandments are like rules to me anymore. He gives us those commandments as a protection for us! He cares and loves us so much. He wants the best for us.

As hard as it is sometimes in this walk, I would rather follow Jesus than anyone in this world. He doesn't ask for much but gives us so much more in return. He has changed my life in so many ways. If people would just give themselves to Him, then they too could be brought into the light, out of darkness. My prayer is for people's eyes to be opened to the most rewarding path they will ever know. Jesus

God Bless!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Lost Souls

"Just because you're not walking the same path as everyone else, doesn't mean you're lost. Sometimes you just have to lose others to find yourself."

There are actually 2 ways of looking at this statement. Either the Christian way or the wordly way.

But this is a statement I read from someone I would say is lost. I will in no way be judgemental regarding this person because that's not who I am. I am not perfect, however time and time again I have read different sayings from this person and according to linning your life up with Christ, it's just not there.

Tell me what good does it do a person to walk with those in the world? What do you gain? What do you lose? It's interesting when I think back to the times I was not walking with the Lord. I felt free. At least when I look back I thought I was. But I really wasn't. I look back and think about the bad decisions I made, mostly because of being selfish, but also based on my response to situations that had occured. My father sheltered my sister and I as we were growing up. Never had 'life' discussions with us. So because of his strictness and no discussions (probably due to his wanting to protect us), once we became 'free', we partied and ended up in bad relationships. For me, because I stayed longer with my dad, I felt like a kid in a candy store once I moved. But funny thing is, when I honestly look back and think about things, God was always there. Even with the stupid mistakes I made. Yes, I went through a very brief stage of going to parties and drinking. But it was very short lived. I ended up not liking alcohol and almost getting 'violated'. Wow, that was not a way to live. So I stopped. But then, it was hard finding a good relationship to be in. So when I met my ex-husband, I thought I was in love. Looking back, I was being so selfish. I chose him because I wanted him to love me. He was different from the other guys I had known, but what I didn't know was he had a different set of issues as well. God was showing me right from the beginning that we were not supposed to be, but I ignored it every step of the way. One of the reasons was because I was not walking with God. 

When you start walking with God, most of the time you will not like what He reveals to you. I know I didn't. But the truth of the matter is, I'd rather not have it any other way. See those not walking with God don't actually know what they are missing. This world has people so convinced that they should be out for themselves and no one else. Everything this world is, God isn't. Selfish, prideful, greedy.....the list goes on and on.

In this book I am reading, called "The Enlightenment: What God Told Me After One Million Prayers", the author said something that at one point I kept questioning 'how?'
"Jesus tried to show us how to live. He spent a major portion of His public life trying to teach us about His Father in heaven and how to save our immortal souls. Jesus also wanted to show man that there are many enjoyments in life one can partake in. Jesus showed us by enjoying good food and good conversation with others. Jesus enjoyed the joys of a sense of humor and the consumption of wine as a relaxing aid. He showed us that it was put here by God for all to enjoy. If you are a married couple, sex is an added enjoyment given by God. He tried to show man that he can enjoy his life fully without breaking any commandments."

Back then, I wasn't really living. I thought I was but I really wasn't. There was never really a time when I could just smile and be happy not because of someone or something. There wasn't a time I could pray for someone I really didn't care for instead of talking about them. There never was a time where I didn't have to prove who I was to someone. Everything I did was tied to someone or something.

Now, He gives me joy that is undescribable at times. I might not particularly care for someone, so I will pray for them. I don't have to tell you who I am or what I am about, my walk will say it for me. God's light shines through me and I will never have to either make people believe I am something I am not, or show people I am something I am not. I pray for those lost souls of this world. Someone I know, recently returned to God. I could not have been happier for that person. I know alot of things they had did. But God always wants His lost sheep. We really are nothing without Him and we are only decieving ourselves when we think we are. I pray people wake up before its too late.

"Just because you're not walking the same path as everyone else, doesn't mean you're lost. Sometimes you just have to lose others to find yourself.".....wordly....you are lost and the only way you will be found is in Jesus.

"Just because you're not walking the same path as everyone else, doesn't mean you're lost. Sometimes you just have to lose others to find yourself."......Christian....Right, you have found the way, the truth, and the light. Sometimes that personal relationship you have with God will make you lose others, but what good does it do to gain the world but lose your soul?

Monday, June 28, 2010

A good cause....no a magnificant cause

I was watching a movie and my mind went off on its own. Do you ever notice how willing people are to donate to a good cause? Whether it is money or time, if they feel it will help someone, they will donate. Then of course there are those who put together foundations for specific causes. It's either out of an occurrence that has happened in their lives or they know someone close to them and are moved to do it for them.

While I believe these causes are worthwhile, I know a cause that you can't even put a price tag on. A cause worth more than all the money in the world. A cause that promises eternal life for those who take part. Almighty God. He's a healer. He's a provider. He's a protector. There are times when I just sit back and think about the magnificence of our Father. He's everywhere and in so many things.

To come to Him, you need no money. You need nothing but you. What you get in return is love, peace, joy.....and so much more.....all the things money can not buy. At this point in time, I can not imagine my life without Him. I am thankful for those who shout His name, those who talk about Him. He has done so many great things for me....even when I did not deserve it......what does He ask for in return? To love Him, trust Him, obey His commandments. For us, at times some of those things seem impossible...especially in this world.....but all things are possible with God.

Donation: My life
Cause: Almighty God
I promise you will never be the same....

God Bless!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Whose work is it?

Acts 5:35-39 "Then he addressed them: "Men of Israel, consider carefully what you intend to do to these men. Some time ago Theudas appeared, claiming to be somebody, and about four hundred men rallied to him. He was killed, all his followers were dispersed, and it all came to nothing. After him, Judas the Galilean appeared in the days of the census and led a band of people in revolt. He too was killed, and all his followers were scattered. Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God."

I enjoyed reading this passage. Because if it doesn't speak the truth, I don't know what does!  There are some people who start up things claiming they are doing it in Jesus' name. However, when it falls apart, that means it was never His will to begin with. Sometimes things are wanted so badly, people actually think that God is giving them the go ahead sign. When we line our lives up right with God, have that truly intimate relationship with Him, then we will definitely know when something is His will and not our own. God knows our hearts and He definitely knows when we do things for selfish reasons. And when there is selfishness involved, it will not work. We are here not to do what we want to do, but to do His work.

Follow God and not yourself or things of this world. Nothing in this world ever lasts and our feelings can be decieving. God is the way, the truth , and the life. I'd rather have His gift of eternal life than any temporary thing! So thank you Jesus and continue to use me for what You will have me to do.

God Bless!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

His commandments....

Matthew 22:37-40 (NIV) "Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."

A sermon I was listening to hit on a very good point. It was concerning those who professed to be Christians in the church. Some seemed to be more judgemental and unloving than those in the world.

I used to work at this insurance company. Some people put together a group, at lunch time, where we could come together and talk about God. It was good in the beginning, but then it became very apparent after awhile, that God was no longer in it. There were people who were at different levels of their walk. That's cool. To me, that gives those who have not been in their walks that long, the opportunity to learn from the ones who had been walking longer. People were given the opportunity to open themselves to talk about their pain or hurts, but unfortunately some others began to tell others outside of the group about what those on the inside of the group were saying. That made alot of people uncomfortable and people started to leave because they no longer had that confidentiality trust.

What really burned me up was the 3 or 4 that had been in their walk longer, ended up sort of seperating themselves from those who had not walked that long. They felt 'superior' if you will, because they had been walking longer. They started pushing on others what they felt and where they felt they should be in their walk. It was really becoming a place no one wanted to be. We still wanted to talk about God, however, those few people made it difficult.

That's how some people feel when they come to church. I am pretty sure it happens in all churches. You have those that have walked so long, it's like they actually forget how to treat people. You are never supposed to act superior to others. You're not supposed to judge others who are seeking the Lord. What they end up doing is having people look at them and walking away. They feel like "if that's what a Christian is like, I don't want to be one". Or they end up walking away because they feel rejected.

Two of God's greatest commandments: Love God and love your neighbor. None of us are perfect and none of us have the right to be judgemental or think we are superior to anyone. I guarantee, as I witnessed of those few, you will be knocked off your high horse. And as it says in the bible, "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble."

Friday, June 18, 2010

Hide and Seek

Matthew 7:7 "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you"

When things are turned upside down in our lives, what do we do? Some people get angry and lash out at others. Some try to cover up by acting like nothing bothers them at all. Some, depending on the situation, become ashamed and hide from all. They feel like they can't show their upside down lives to anyone because they used to have it all together.

Hiding....when I had went through my depression, I hid. I hid because I was hurt, in pain, embarrassed. How could this have happened to me? Was it some sort of punishment? I couldn't allow people to see that what I thought I was and portrayed to others.....a strong person.....wasn't really what I was as I was going through. When I look back on that time, I am amazed at the fact that it was all part of God's plan to show me something I hadn't been listening to from Him. No it wasn't a punishment, it just felt like one. But God had been trying to get my attention for quite a while. I just wasn't hearing or listening to Him.

What I went through I would never wish on even my enemy. Had a hard time sleeping, eating, taking care of my kids.....I was crying almost all the time. Lost weight and even started looking older. Didn't really want to talk to anyone. So my home became somewhat of a refuge for me. My shield from the world. Spent so much time there either sleeping or watching movies. (Movies were my escape from reality.....sleeping, I didn't have to think about anything....at least until I woke up and faced reality again). Don't you know when you hide, it's like walking into the enemy's playground? You are secluded. Hiding allows the enemy to put thoughts in your mind about yourself and your situation that makes it worse for you. You never think it's going to get better. A period of time passes and then you start to want things to change, but you just don't know how to do it.

The help I sought from others didn't help me. It was only temporary. Until I began to seek help from God. It wasn't an instantaneous healing either. But as God is my witness, He helped me and healed me like no one else could. I know people who are in places of hiding and as much as I've tried to help, I now realize, I really can't do anything. ( well, that 's not entirely true...I can pray for them, which I constantly do) Only God can help them. And that's even if they really want to be helped. God knows our hearts and if we truly seek Him to be helped, He will. But we can't just sit back and expect Him to do everything. We need to put in some work too. By work I mean talking to Him, reading His word, spending time with Him to see what He wants us to see and before you know it, He will have changed you all around. No longer are you in the deep pit of despair as your were before.  I can say this because I have been through it. it's not a fun place to be but I guarantee you, He will bring you out and you will be a much stronger person with the wisdom and knowledge He has shown you.....if you just seek Him......

Everything we go through is used as a testimony for someone. So I thank God.......
Romans 5 (KJV) "Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ: By whom also we have access by faith into this grace wherein we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us."

Only God can bring you out of hiding if you strive to seek His face...

God Bless!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Roaming charges.....

1 Peter 5:8-9 "8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. "

Well, when it comes on my mind, there is a need for it. This verse came to mind as I was listening to a sermon. Here's the part of the sermon where it came from:

"There are women who have been violated, held down, and taken advantage of from someone who is weak. The reason why they are weak is they want to dominate their (the woman's) strength. They try to take control of one thing because the rest of their life is out of order..........(if I could have shouted Amen at the top of my lungs, I would have....AMEN)....Don't let anyone have so much authority over your life that they begin to block you from growing, developing, and having happiness!!!"

Man oh man was I seriously preventing myself from jumping out of my seat! That's when the above bible verse came to mind. The enemy is so bent on stealing from us and will use anyone and anything possible to do it. Things, people.....you name it. But when the enemy is on you.....call on the name Jesus.....Philippians 2:10 "that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth".....YES....thank you Jesus!!!

Why roaming charges?
Roaming: the enemy
Charges: JESUS....get behind thee satan!!! I have the Lord on my side.....Because He is at my right hand, I will not be moved!!! (From Psalm 16!)

Be Blessed! (cause I sure am!!)  :-)


Monday, June 14, 2010

Thirsty....and now I am satisfied!

We as people can never really be satisfied, can we? We buy this and are amused with it for awhile then get bored. People get into relationships with others and after awhile, get tired and start looking for someone new. A new job, a new toy, a new hobby......it's all exciting when it's new, but in the end people get tired of their things and seek out something which they think is more exciting....only to wind up being tired of that too.

Yes as I heard in a sermon "Just like Mick Jagger says...I can't get no, satisfaction"
This theme of thirst has been so prevalent to me lately. It pops up everywhere I turn. Why? Because that's how I am feeling....thirsty! However, it's not for a new job, a new toy, or a new hobby. It's for Jesus! I have been praying everyday for the Lord to make me thirsty and wouldn't you know it......He's blessing me. This prayer has caused me to increasingly enjoy the sermons I hear, the music, and to really enjoy the bible more than I ever have before.......it's a wonderful thing.

Funny thing is....( I got joy, joy, joy, down in my heart) sorry I felt it and had to say it.......unlike worldly things, I am being satisfied! He is filling me which in turn is making me seek Him more. He's changing me, He's opening my eyes to so many things. Unlike worldly things, I am not tired of Him and looking for another god......He's all I need. He's my everything. Without Him I am nothing.

John 4:13-14 "Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again: But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life."

God Bless!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Why I am here

"My heart is empty and my souls thirsts"...is my thought as I wake up in the morning. I have no idea what time it is, but it still very dark in my room. The night before, I was doing all this sneezing so I took some medicine which in turn made me drowsy. That in turn, made me feel like I wasn't grasping my bible study like I had the previous night.

So I lay there and I begin to talk to God. I still go through the "I don't understand" phase of being so overjoyed one day, then feeling weighed down the next. But I have learned when that happens, immediately start talking to God. I used to turn to others to say what was on my mind. To get a feel for what they thought as to why I was feeling that way. Crazy, right? How would they know? I know more about myself then they do and I don't even know. So how would they? So I continue to talk and question some things and before I know it, I'm sleep again. I wake up and apologize to God for falling asleep on Him, but I guess it was supposed to happen. He was giving me peace so I could rest.

More and more lately I have been hearing so many things about focusing less on yourself.  I used to focus more on myself before than I do now. He has shown me my issues and I thought, how in the world can I help anybody else when I feel so messed up? But He showed me about that too. Whatever issues I had, whatever trials and tribulations I went through, are testimonies to others. How else would I be able to identify and talk about something I saw my son going through if I hadn't gone through it myself? Or hear and empathize with a girl who is having issues within herself? Or even know what a person feels like after going through a divorce? Many times I wished I didn't have to go through the things I have gone through, or realize the issues I've had or have, but thanks be to God for showing me that all of these things were really not in vain. I am here, not for me, but for others. He does His work in me and I do His work towards others. The world would wonder, 'what do I get out of it?' (yes, I used to wonder that). But the God in me says, "Yes, I am bringing glory to Him!"

I don't have to worry, I don't have to fear, because He will take care of me and supply all my needs. He promised and His word does not come back void.

Isaiah 55:11(NIV) "so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."

Thank you Jesus! 

God Bless!

Monday, June 7, 2010


I happened on the book of Jonah. Not sure why I wanted to read it but I did.
Not that I need to break it down for anyone, but here's what I got out of it.

Jonah was told by God, to preach against the city of Nineveh for their wickedness. But Jonah was disobedient and ran away from God. He ends up on a ship headed for Tarshish. While he's on the boat, a storm comes a raging. They find out it is Jonah that has caused this storm and he gets thrown overboard. Where, of course, he gets swallowed up by a big fish. What's interesting to me is that even though Jonah was disobedient to God, God still protected him. Kept him from drowning in the sea.

Jonah is in the fish's belly for three days. Ha! Here's another thing noticed. When you get called by the Lord, you will have some days when you are utterly alone. Yeah, Jonah might have been in the fish's belly for only 3 days, but some of us.....it's a bit longer than that. That definitely gives us time to 'seek' God, which is what Jonah did. Prayed a very nice prayer. God heard him too and out of the fish's belly Jonah came. The Lord told Jonah again what He wanted him to do and lo and behold, this time he did it.

Jonah preached to the Ninevites and they repented and turned from their sin. So God showed them compassion and didn't bring the destruction He originally planned for them. Yeah, that didn't make Jonah happy. Not at all. He sulked because God didn't do what He said He was going to do. What right did Jonah have to be angry? Hadn't God forgiven him for his disobedience? Hadn't God even protected him during his disobedience? God was showing how His grace and mercy extended to everyone. He is a fair and just God.

Which of course, as if I didn't know it already, lends to the understanding that it makes no sense to feel or think someone deserves something just because they did wrong. Especially if they truly repent and turn away from their sins. We all fall short of the glory of God. We've all messed up at times. We've all been given grace and mercy by Him. But He loves us. All of us. Not one more than another....all the same.

Funny....when Jonah went and sulked, God provided for him, once again. Gave him a vine to shade his head. Jonah was happy about it, until it was taken away. (Isn't it interesting how we don't always appreciate the gifts that God gives us? Even if it is for a time, we need to appreciate what He provides for us....because not all the time do we deserve what He gives!)

Jonah 4:9-11"9 But God said to Jonah, "Do you have a right to be angry about the vine?"  "I do," he said. "I am angry enough to die." 10 But the LORD said, "You have been concerned about this vine, though you did not tend it or make it grow. It sprang up overnight and died overnight. 11 But Nineveh has more than a hundred and twenty thousand people who cannot tell their right hand from their left, and many cattle as well. Should I not be concerned about that great city?"

I love it! How....what's the word....ridiculous is it to be concerned over something as little as a vine then to be concerned over something as immense as the city of Nineveh......is the vine more important than people's lives? (Never pays to run from God....never pays to be petty!)

God Bless!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Thank You...praises to Him

Last week was a very trying week. So many things going on. But today, more than any other day, I had to stop and thank Jesus. I thanked Him for giving me the words to say to the young lady in my family that is going through an agonizing situation. I thanked Him for my oldest son and the transformation that is taking place in him and with our relationship as mother and son. I thank Him for the word that was brought forth at my church. I thank Him for giving me the heart to pray for those, that without Him, I would not be praying for. I thank Him for the time spent with my family. I thank Him for allowing another turn this weekend....I could sit here and continue to list all the things I am thankful to Him for, but I'll just sum it up by saying....thank You Jesus!

Through last week, my faith was tested and because God is.....much more than I can put into words right now, I have come through it with a deeper faith than I had before.

Romans 5:1-5(NIV) "1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

Yesterday is gone...today is ending....tomorrow is a brand new day.....

God Bless!

Friday, June 4, 2010

Live life in the moment

Matthew 6:25-34 "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
 "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

I'm almost tempted to not write anything and just meditate on this passage. It says so much! I had a long conversation with an awesome woman of God and so many things that were said opened my eyes. See I have this unfortunate habit of always trying to look ahead. To the future. Where will I be? What will I be doing? Why am I not where I think I should be? When will I get to where I think I should be? On and on and on. Well in our conversation, I was told to live life in the moment. Don't worry about where you think you are supposed to be. Live, love, laugh.....especially laugh.....I've been told by too many people, that I am too serious. Well, the love is there, but how effective can it be without the living and laughing? 

 There was alot of things said. Alot of things she saw in me without me even having to say it. But after all was said and done, the most powerful thing I grabbed a hold of, was live life in the moment. And as I was driving home, the above scripture came to mind. I don't need to worry about my future. Actually I don't need to worry about alot of things according to His word. He knows what I need, He knows what I want, and what I need to do is to continue to focus on Him and all else will fall into place. "Live life in the moment".......
Hmmmmm.....thank you Jesus!

God Bless!

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

First down, then up

Where shall I start? Yesterday felt like one of the worst days imagined. There was a situation that occurred that just shook me. It didn't happen to me but it happened to someone in my family. A young lady was violated. I was angry and cried, cried ,and cried. For her. I couldn't do anything. I prayed and thank God He allowed her to come home. However, I couldn't grasp how things like this are sometimes allowed to happen. Everything I had read in God's word and what I had heard in sermons, was flying out of the window. All sense was shutting down. How was it I was able to tell her mother, it is a blessing she came home and is safe? Then turn around and start losing what I had been taught?

This morning I awoke and cried again. I kind of felt numb today. Trying to pray to God and feeling at the same time "What's the point?" I realize, now, that during this day, when I couldn't pray because I couldn't find the words, a verse in a song would play itself in my head. "God is able to do, just what He said He would do. He's going to fulfill ever promise to you. Don't give up on Him, cause He won't give up on you...He's able!" God knows why He put it there.....

Part of the reason it played was the times where I was so angry, I thought about just giving up. ( I just kept thinking how can people intentionally hurt other people? What would possess them to do such things? key word: possess.....we either give control over to God or over to the enemy)
I went to bible study tonight and I am so glad I did. Being in church, the right church, can be so soothing to the soul. Plus my family was there to also bring God's words to me. I am able to sympathize and have compassion for others, however I have never felt sympathy and compassion to this degree before.

Sometimes, in order to hear God calling us, we have to be torn down. It's necessary in order for us to pay attention to God. To give ourselves to Him and allow Him to mold us and change us and build us back up in His image. The tear downs are never, ever pleasant and there is always a chance that it will cause us go under instead of coming up. However, God knows what is going to happen. He knows which way the tear down will turn us.

Matthew 10:28-30 "Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered."

God always knows what He is doing. Even when it is something so unexplainable to us.....He knows.....Isaiah 55:9 "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

I pray for God's comfort and healing in this situation.  I know He will take care of it all. Because He is a loving, caring, and merciful God. And He cares for us. Thank you Jesus for bringing her home and keeping her alive. Praying she will turn to You for You to provide her with all that she needs...... In Jesus' name I pray...Amen

Wednesday, May 26, 2010


Oh my goodness! What an experience for myself and my boys to go through tonight. My son was looking for his computer cord. While upstairs I hear him calling in a loud, scared voice...'mom.....mom...' I run downstairs. He is standing there totally scared and wiping his hands all over his arms. "There was a spider, I think....it was huge....it got on the couch....mommy get it please!!!!!!!!!!!"

Now I have to say, one of my greatest fears are spiders. Oh my goodness.....it is not funny at all. I have left my children in the car because of a spider in the front with me. Yeah, I know that's not right but spiders are my biggest fear. While I understand my son's fear, he took his eyes off the spider and we did not know where it was! That's the worst! Spider in the house, whereabouts unknown......Uggghhhh!  The one good thing about my fear of spiders, is I can spot them even out the corner of my eye. At the top of the ceiling, this huge spider is crawling around. Oh so gross!!! I am keeping my eye on it and ask my son to come 'identify' it. My son flipped out! He refused profusely to even come in the room. He looked like he was having a meltdown right in front of my eyes. Yes, I was upset. He needed to let us know if this was indeed the same exact spider he had seen. But he wouldn't come in the room and actually ran upstairs! So I had to get rid of it by myself. I had no choice. I was not about to let it roam around the house....

Well, after the episode, it got me thinking about fear. Fear has the ability to incapacitate us so badly. It can keep us stuck in a place where we were never meant to be in the first place. It can also make us run away from things or people that need to be faced. So many different fears. Fear of what people think, fear of what people will say, fear of rejection, fear of the unknown, fear of the known.....Why do we fear so many things? When we fear, we give control to whatever our fear is. How do we combat our fear? By trusting in the Lord. Guess what He promised?

Isaiah 41:10 "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."

Whatever we face in life, it's good to know we have a loving God who will always be by our side. To help us overcome our fear. When I have fear that comes over me about something, my favorite verse to recite is Psalms 27:1 "The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" 

I need to work on saying that when I see spiders, because the panic sets in so quickly! I pray that the spider I got rid of was the one my son saw. If not, there will be some sleepless nights ahead!!! LOL

God Bless!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

This is only a test....

Genesis 22:1-3" 1And it came to pass after these things, that God did tempt Abraham, and said unto him, Abraham: and he said, Behold, here I am.
 2And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.
 3And Abraham rose up early in the morning, and saddled his ass, and took two of his young men with him, and Isaac his son, and clave the wood for the burnt offering, and rose up, and went unto the place of which God had told him.4Then on the third day Abraham lifted up his eyes, and saw the place afar off. 5And Abraham said unto his young men, Abide ye here with the ass; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you."

Oh the tests we go through. I was down for a minute because a test came to me and I failed. Straight failed. I know we all fall, but I still have not dealt properly when I fall. I am completely hard on myself, as I have been told, and it makes for some seriously hard days. I repented and God has forgiven me, however I have a hard time forgiving myself. I feel like I have failed God. I was walking His way, focusing on Him, and feeling His joy. There were times when I was able to recognize the enemy, but there are still other areas where my sight on the enemy is fuzzy. I never underestimate what the enemy can do, I just am not as prepared as I would like to be in specific areas. Some tests I don't do well in because I don't let go. This is still a work in progress for me. It is not something that will change overnight due to the fact that it's been like this for a good majority of my life. I can't keep saying 'if only my upbringing was like this' because I can't go back. Everything had a meaning up until this point. If my life had of been different, I wouldn't be at this point. Where would I be? I don't know.

So at this point, all I can do is trust God in revealing things and changing things in me. There are times when this happens that God chooses to put you by yourself. To show you things, to teach you things, to reshape you. In these times you have to sacrifice things.  Possessions, people, etc.....which is sometimes hard, especially for those who have trouble letting go. The passage above was the beginning of a test for Abraham. In verse 5, Abraham left his group behind to obey God. (As my pastor said, "sometimes you have to leave things/people behind to worship God. Some people/things can distract your worship)

What I love about that passage, was the fact that Abraham obeyed God without question. Can you imagine how he must have felt to have to go and sacrifice the promise that God had given him? I wonder what thoughts were going through his mind. But all we can see is that he did what he was told. I can't imagine sacrificing my child, but there are other things in our lives that we feel are very important to us that we must sacrifice. It's a test. Of our obedience to God. Do we trust Him to keep His promises? Do we trust that He will give us back even more? We should, because He will. If only we give ourselves over to Him. He will change our whole world around....for our good.

God Bless!

Friday, May 21, 2010

My anchor

Isaiah 41:13 "For I am the LORD, your God,  who takes hold of your right hand   and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you."

Everytime we get into some sort of situation or have an issue, we always seem to think that we can find a way to solve it on our own. How many times do we have to go through before we truly understand that we can't? Our strength in any situation is God. We are to have faith that God can and will see us through.

He tells us not to worry and not to fear. But what do we do? We panic and try everyway possible to get out of our situation. That's the trick of the enemy. Fear. Fear of the situation, fear of the the outcome. So instead of keeping our eyes on God, we put them on the situation. Once we do that, the enemy works even harder on us. Making us worry and doubt. Our human nature (flesh), starts to figure out ways to solve our problems or we look to others (friends or family) to give us the solution.

Thank goodness we have an awesome God who is there for us. He is our shelter in the time of a storm. He is our rock. Isaish 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you;do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
If we keep our focus on Him, especially in the midst of our situations, we can get through anything. Through His promises and through the observance of how he has help us in past situations, our faith should become stronger and stronger each time.

God Bless!

Wednesday, May 19, 2010


It was a some what heavy day...but it turned out much better in the end. See some issues had been weighing on me. I woke up this morning and wasn't feeling joyful. When things become too weighted, I have a tendency to kind of shut down....which means I stop talking...But thank God for my spiritual sister....I thank God for her everyday. She has been able to penetrate my wall and I have been able to talk about deep issues and the things that I go through spiritually. She tells me to just breathe and silence my mind.....alot!! I tend to think too much at times.

So today I hit her with a string of questions. About me. (Mind you, I have already questioned God about all this). Trying to figure out why I feel the way I do and what could be causing me to to be having such a hard time with myself. See, there are times when I do not see the things others say they see in me. I keep trying to figure out why I am having such a problem with this. There are problems in our lives that seem to be the catalyst for other things.

She prays for me...it's a wonderful thing to have friends who pray for you.....
I began to listen to a sermon.....why this particular one, I now know, but at the time I didn't..... The sermon title.."Release for the bondage of Rejection"....

Romans 15:7 "Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God."

The preacher says rejection is the most painful emotion there is. Then he goes on to speak about 'self-rejection'
Self-rejection says before I can believe something good about myself, someone that I think is important has to accept me. ( What is supposed to matter most is how God accepts me)
He starts speaking on the characteristic feelings of self-rejection:
1.critical spirit
2.feel inferior
3. spirit of perfectionism (when you have this, you can become a procrastinator...if something is not done perfectly then it doesn't get done at all due to fear of criticism)
4. floating anger and bitterness
5.Easily hurt (the person drives people off) (Most of these he describes, I have been)
Why does this happen? either rejection from parents early in life, in the past someone hurt them very deeply, from divorce.....

As I listen to the preacher say 'in the past someone hurt them very deeply...' something popped into my mind. Something I had never thought of until now. Something I had never really knew I needed to deal with. I was raised with a very strict father. Never dated until after I graduated from high school. I went to live with my mom and started dating this guy. I was still a virgin at the time. Had no intention of having sex or even really thought about it. This guy and I started hanging out alot. I was usually with my sister, her boyfriend, me and my boyfriend. One day we were all at his house. I don't know how things got started, but things started happening. I wasn't happy about it and wanted and told my boyfriend to stop. He didn't and things happened anyway. I can't even tell what thoughts or feelings I had at that time, but I stayed with him for awhile after that day. One day he decides that I need to 'experience the world before becoming serious'.  So basically he took what was precious to me and then dumped me!

Then as life continued, I kept getting rejected. Never being taught the proper way to have a relationship with a guy, what I should allow or not allow. Not having much acceptance. I don't even really know how I got married....that wasn't a good relationship either. I wooed my ex-husband into loving me, but I really wasn't in love with him. It's like I get into a relationship and then do everything I can to make sure they love me only to wind up rejected and hurt. Never receiving the proper love or acceptance.  So I ended up trying to protect myself. I came across alot of unavailable men. Not any who were married...I don't cross those lines. But guys that I eventually find out they are either in a relationship or they are just coming out of one (which is not good either, they still have issues).
Now I get why I am so hard on myself and had issues with accepting myself.....

But I praise God so very much.....He not only shows us the things that don't belong in us, but He also shows us that He loves us and He sees us as worthy. He made the ultimate sacrifice for us. Although what He shows me may hurt, it is so worth it to know that He will help heal me and continue to make me whole. He has something for me to do and the only way I can do it in the best way possible and for His glory is to be cleansed, shaped and molded into His image. I still may have a ways to go, but I thank God I am not as I used to be. I pray for those who have not dealt with or even know what past issues affect their present lives.

Romans 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose."

God Bless!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010


I swear there are times when I just want to scream! I dislike with a passion the roller coaster of emotions that flow through me. Why can I not keep a hold of those times when I have that pure Godly joy coursing through my veins? Why? Yes, of course I know that this walk is not going to be easy, but sometimes, I wish there were longer periods of joy than there are of trials and tribulations.

If it's not one thing, it's another. Sometimes an endless barrage of things.......( I guess the enemy is mad at me for laughing at him earlier, for recognizing what he was doing....) There are moments when I can not even speak a word....I try to cling to something, a song, a verse, a 'remember this time'........

What happens when that doesn't seem to do the job? So I pray, sit, and wait......Oh the waiting......there are days when I am so patient I amaze myself......then there are those days where, I look high and low for my patience. It seems to get lost and makes me work so extra hard to find it.......
"Oh where oh where has my patience gone? Oh where oh where can it be?" LOL

Ok God, what are You doing with me now? I wonder if there will ever be a time when He molds me and it will happen so painlessly that I didn't even know it happened. That would be wonderful.....

God Bless!

Monday, May 17, 2010

My help comes from.....

Friday was a tough day. There was some stuff weighing me down. The enemy was pushing and I felt like a boxer who was 'going down for the count!"
It wasn't even big issues. It was small things. But when small things come and many of them come at once from all sides.....it begins to feel like it is huge.

When we keep seeking God and strive to be filled with the Holy Spirit, things are going to come. For me, I try to prepare myself to handle those things that come. But sometimes they come in such unexpected ways, that I get knocked sideways a little. (Remember: " weebles wobble but they don't fall down?"...... yeah that's what I felt like)

 2 Corinthians 1:8-11 "We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many." 

Anyway, this morning my devotional was regarding 'The Affliction of Paul' It spoke about how some assume the problems those faced in the bible, are different from the ones we face today....Uhhhh, no. Though the culture in Paul's time was different, some of the issues remain the same...like temptation, hardship, sin.....
The enemy never changes. He will always try to keep us from doing God's will, in any way he can. Paul trusted God. How? Because he saw God have the victory in his trials. When we run out of strength in dealing with our issues, God has that supernatural strength that will see us through. With each and every situation I go through, I am learning more and more to not only lean on Jesus, but trust Him. Not necessarily to make the situation work out the way I want it to, but to give me the strength to deal with it while it's happening and be content in whatever the outcome.

Philippians 4:19"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

The following was part of the devotional that I wanted to share.....

"God's strength is available to all believers who confess their weakness and inadequacy. Sometimes a troubled soul has only enough stamina left to admit 'Father, I absolutely cannot. If You don't, it is simply not going to happen.' In effect, we throw ourselves upon God and wait for Him to keep His promise" 

God Bless!

Friday, May 14, 2010

A Return to Love.....

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson

Be Blessed!
Have a truly wonderful weekend!

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Being called...

Romans 8:28-31 (NIV)" 28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.
 31What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?"

It's such a great feeling when you get hit with joy from the Lord. There really is nothing like it and it's something you want to hang onto forever. The other day I was hit with joy at the mere thought that God had me on His radar for a long time. I mentioned this to a very dear friend of mine. I told her how my parents did not have my sister and I grow up in church. My realization was that my foundation was laid by my grandparents. Every summer, when we visited them, they made sure to take us to church. Made sure we were active in church. My fondest memories were of being in the church choir. God flowed through our words and through those who heard our song. Then once the summer was over,  back to our home and no church.

When I look back, I sigh at the fact it took me awhile to accept His call. But with a huge smile, I cherish the fact He chose me. (Matthew 22:14 "For many are called, but few are chosen") A large majority of my family on my father's side, are religious. No doubt to varying degrees, but none the less, I was meant to walk this walk. There are times it can be very rough, but I thank God I have a Father who is patient, kind, loving, and full of mercy and grace.

Thank you Jesus for choosing me, changing me, and equipping me to do Your work. Onward I press!!!! 

Be Blessed!!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


Romans 7:14-25"14For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin. 15For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I. 16If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good. 17Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. 18For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not. 19For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do. 20Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me. 21I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me. 22For I delight in the law of God after the inward man: 23But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members. 24O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death? 25I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin."

Oh, how I enjoy reading this scripture. I really didn't like it before. It felt like a serious tongue twister. But all of that was because I didn't really comprehend what it was saying. Since God has given me the understanding of it, I could do nothing but agree with it. We all go through spiritual battles. Some days are worse than others, but it's always there. ( ergo the need of dying to self daily)

We were born into sin. Seems like we spend the rest of our lives battling......mind and flesh. Our minds want to follow God and do what's right and our flesh......oh, our flesh just doesn't want to give up.
But thank you Jesus! We have an awesome God who can help us in our battle....without Him we are defenseless. We can conquer nothing. Oh yes, we can make ourselves believe we've overcome. However, it always comes back that we have not truly won. We have sweet victory in Jesus Christ.
Our battles are fought on our knees. So put on the full armor of God:
  • the belt of truth
  • the breastplate of righteousness
  • helmet of salvation
  • shield of faith
  • sword of the spirit
  • sandals of peace
Ephesians 6:13 " 13Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand."

Thank you Jesus! Hallelujah Jesus!!!

Be Blessed!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


    1.  An image used as an object of worship.
    2. A false god.
  1. One that is adored, often blindly or excessively.
  2. Something visible but without substance.

I was going to write about this some days ago, yet I was drawn to write about something else. At one point, I had thought an idol was something material. It isn't just material. It's anything that will draw our attention away from God. TV, games, phones, internet, etc.

The funny thing is, we don't even realize how much we make things idols until we actually have a situation that makes us give them up. Then we come to realize how much time we have spent on whatever it was. My idols used to be games and movies. I love to play video games and watch movies. We grew up playing video games with our dad. That was one of our bonding times. We had so much fun together. I remember when I was younger, wanting to go to the mall on the weekends just so I could go to the arcade. Wow! Such memories.

Then the other thing we used to do was watch movies. Of course there were some my dad wouldn't let us watch, but when my sister and I got older, it was a free for all! We watched all kinds of movies. Our favorite movies were scary movies. (that's a whole different blog!) I still like all kinds of movies. Funny ones, drama, black and white, but there are some that I now really can't watch, and I know it is a result of walking with God. But like I say, that is another blog.....

Anyway, not to get off track here, people have all types of idols. Some people's idols are even other people! It's interesting at times when God opens my eyes, what I see. I have to catch myself at times, because when He does open my eyes, it makes me not only look at what I do, but what others do as well. Like wow, these are my idols, but these are their idols. It makes me feel sometimes as if I am about to judge others, but I am always reminded that no one is perfect and that it's just a realization of how we truly do need God in our lives to change us.
To cleanse us, to make us new.

Exodus 20:3-6 " 3Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
 4Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.
 5Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;
 6And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments" 

Idols can lead to some serious downfalls in our lives. Plus it takes our eyes off of Him. I thank God for what He shows me. Believe me, I still play games and watch movies, but am now more conscious of my time regarding them. God is supposed to come first in our lives. He doesn't want us not to have fun or have unfulfilling lives, He just wants to be first. I am getting so much better at putting Him first, in everything I do. I am not perfect, but I am striving continually to lead the life He has called me to lead. Thank you God!

God Bless!

Friday, May 7, 2010

Letting Go

I had some weight on my shoulders yesterday. So I spent most of my day working, praying, and emailing my friend back and forth. The root of my weight, I know believe, was tied to some people that had been in my life. There was a place I had previously worked. Met a lot of people there. Stayed there only 1 year.
God decided it was time for me to go. But not before He taught me some things.

See I had come across alot of people who did not follow God. Those who did not claim to be Christians. I kind of knew what to expect. There, at the job, I got a glimpse of people who professed to love God and claimed to be Christians. Blew my world apart! This is where I learned "even the devil goes to church". I couldn't understand some of the things that went on with those who were Christians. Some of the behavior I expected of those who were not in the church.

I also, during this time, was really getting to know God. In the end, I understood that those in church had just about as many issues as those out of church. And although some of them strived to become better, some seemed like they only wanted to pretend like they knew Christ. I was not being judgemental by any means, because no of us are perfect. But what I came to understand was that when you are truly walking with God, change will take place in you. You will not be the same. Yes, you may have certain areas that still need to be worked on, but there is change there!

Anyway, my biggest issue was learning how to let people go. Letting things go was no big deal to me, but letting people go was the biggest challenge for me. Even if I knew they were bad for me, I still had difficulty letting go. Through my walk with God, I learned why. There was a deep rooted issue that had not been resolved, that caused me to do this. Spending time alone with God, forces you to look at yourself. Soooo many people do not like doing this. I didn't like doing it but it needed to be done. I learned so many things I really didn't want to know. But once I found them out, I prayed to God to help me fix them and release them.

Since this letting go thing was the biggest issue in my life, it's still a work in progress. God will move people out of your life when He feels they will do you harm. Or He will allow them to stay for just enough time to teach you something. You hope and pray you get the lesson, because if you don't, you'll be repeating it over and over again. There are days when who I let go, the memory will come back. For me it does hurt some. But God does things that He knows is good for you. Many times we think we know what's good for us because we know ourselves. Reality is we 'think' we know ourselves. He knows us better.

Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD."

Letting go.....how else can God bring better in for us if we don't learn how to let go?  Tough lesson to learn for me, but I am so happy I have an awesome teacher!

God Bless!

Thursday, May 6, 2010


My devotional reading this morning was titled "Draw Near to God". It was interesting because even before I started my devotional, I had just awakened from a bad dream. I was thinking of whatever was of God to get the heaviness of that bad dream off me. "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you". Then this scripture came to mind: James 4:7  "7Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you"

Anyway, this devotional was speaking about how if we open ourselves to God, He will open up to us. That it seems we were the ones who initiated a relationship with God when in fact it was He that first came to us, we were just responding to His call. He does this through sometimes painful and desperate situations. 

So what came to mind was how He called me. It was through a broken relationship that devastated the core of my being. I had never felt pain like this and looking back never want to again. Everyone goes through different kinds of brokenness. I didn't grow up in the church and the only time I did go to church was when my grandparents took me over the summer when we would visit. Little did I know that was the setting up for where I am today. (Thank you Jesus)
It was never that I didn't believe in God, I would go to church here and there, but never was fully into it or a relationship with God. I used to almost always make bad choices concerning relationships. Nothing abusive, just people who turned out to be bad. ( ok, now I realize through God, these people had alot of issues)...

Anyway, this one particular relationship, last 1.5 years. The way it ended was terrible. I felt like I had my heart ripped out of my chest. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. I even had a family member give me a sleeping pill to help and it didn't! My cousin, love her to death, told me to open my bible and read it. At this point in my life, it was the first time I had experienced 'depression'. Never, ever, ever do I want to go there again. 

So I opened my bible, but I couldn't even read it. Funny thing is, when I held the bible at my chest, I was able to go to sleep. God is good. He knew what I needed even though I couldn't utter any words to Him. To make a long story really short, He was the reason I came through that period of my life. He was calling me. In the most painful way I could ever imagine. But He called me. It still took me a while to respond the right way, but at this moment in my life, I can not imagine my life without Him. To think of what He pulled me through. I couldn't do it on my own and neither could my family help me. (Not even the short lived therapist I saw could help....so I stopped going to her)

It was nothing but God. To look at a person, you never know what they have been through. What I know is, no matter how painful certain situations have been in my life, I am grateful and thankful God has been there to get me through. Not only that, He has allowed me to be understanding to others when I see them go through things and try to help them and support them. See how can you help someone if you've never experienced something yourself? It doesn't necessarily have to be the same things, but the emotions are there....feeling lost, helpless, hurt, pain,.....

It was all in His plan to bring to me where I am today. Walking with Him, talking with Him, and allowing myself to be used to do His work. 
All I can say is thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus. Without you I am nothing....You are my everything!

God Bless!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010


As I was reading my devotional this morning, some thoughts came to me. The devotional was telling the story about Mary and Martha. They had been preparing for Jesus to come. Once He did, Martha continued to prepare things, while Mary stopped and sat at Jesus' feet to listen to Him. That agitated Martha and she mentioned it to Jesus only to be told that Mary had chosen the better way.
Lesson: sometimes we have to leave things undone to fellowship with Jesus. Also when we don't take time to fellowship with Him, it results in some not so good consequences (Martha's worry and agitation)......Now comes what thoughts came into my head.....

This devotional made me think of the time that I was so focused that I became 'so heavenly minded that I was no earthly good'. Because of this, I fell and I fell hard. I felt pretty bad. It didn't help that I had also been hanging around people who were confused about their lives. At times like that, it really pays to have some strong spiritual friends around. I had two people who were and are still like that. I was so hard on myself. I felt like I had completely failed God and went through the pity phase of 'why did You choose me?'....it was awful. But my friends, helped me. They helped me with their encouraging words and with what they had learned from their 'true' relationship with God. I started to get back on the right path.
I found out I needed to have balance. See I knew I needed to focus on God but I also understood I lived here on earth. I needed to still be connected here. Regaining my stability, I understood better that I needed to be changed to be Christ-like, however while that process was taking place, I also needed to be doing His work.

Matthew 28:19-20 "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

I had to get it together. Balance. Well, I have more balance now than I thought was possible. My focus is on God, however, I have not shut out the world. Nor am I really in the world...so to speak

Romans 12:2
2And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.

This balance thing is a very delicate thing. To me anyway. Teeter too much on one side and there are bad consequences. One thing I know, God will help me balance things as I continue to keep my eyes on Him. 

Monday, May 3, 2010

In the Spirit

What a day! If there was a day that I needed some serious patience, it was today.
If I see anything at this point, God is teaching me patience. For some reason, I have a tendency to draw people with some serious issues to me. I don't ask for it, but they seem to come. God allows me to help some of them through my experience with some of the same issues. However, God also helps me with those whose issues I have never had or dealt with before. I so appreciate God for helping me. Lately, my patience has been wearing very thin for some. To the point I really feel like yelling. That is not good. I looked to God to really help me and of course, He does. 
So I need to understand that it's not about me. These people are around me for a a specific reason. Apparently God feels there is something within me that will mostly help them (and me too). I am supposed to be encouraging others. God has helped me become stronger than I used to be and He was patient and loving to me through it all. Now I need to forget about me and help them with the same strength, patience, and love God showed me. Walk in the spirit girl! Walk in the spirit!

Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such things there is no law."

God Bless!

Friday, April 30, 2010

He is first!

You know what I love? When God speaks to you through a thought, a scripture, or just a simple word. Especially when you are not expecting it. Well, I was thinking about a dream I had last night, when this scripture came through.

Matthew 6:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

There were some things that had crept into my mind lately and as I thought about this scripture, I began to realize He was speaking a promise to me. I had been focusing on Him alot lately and just within these last few days, my mind has started to become distracted. There are times when we start to take our focus off Him and our mind starts racing with all sorts of things. Then we start to think of ways we can go about getting what we desire on our own. No, no, no, no , no.... How many mistakes have been made when I tried to do things on my own? I really don't want to think about that!

Thank God, He reminded me in a peaceful way. Thank you Jesus. My prayer is that You continue to guide me, shape me, mold me and get me where You want me to be. Not because of anything I may want, but because I love you and You love me. 

I say thank you to those who read these posts. I am very thankful for what God has placed within me and I am thankful that He chose me to do His work. It's not an easy road and He never said it would be. But I am still ever so thankful.

God Bless!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

His Power.......

Psalm 46 "1God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. 2Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;
3Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah. 4There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High. 5God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early. 6The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted. 7The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah. 8Come, behold the works of the LORD, what desolations he hath made in the earth. 9He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire. 10Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. 11The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah."

Hmmmm.....The sitaution with my son is still going on. When I thought about it again, verse 10 stuck out the most. But I wanted to read what came before that verse. Once I did, I felt more at peace. It is always amazing to know the power of God. To have the ability to put calm in the midst of chaos.....that is simply amazing. We as humans can not seem to do this. Not on our own. We can keep trying and trying, but real calmness and peace only come from God.
This is more of a meditation day. Just sitting and being amazed at what He is capable of doing....His power.....but also to reflect on His gentleness, caring, and loving for all of us....even when we mess up.....
I will trust you Lord, no matter how things turn out. You have ordered my steps and You know what's best for me. I will trust you.....I will be still and know that you are God....
God Bless!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

All around

Hebrews 3:13 "3But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." (NIV)

Wow.....there are so many things going on with people. It's not good. For the past 3 days, I have watched as trials and tribulations mounted on those around me. Especially those whom I love. It's heartbreaking to see this. Why does is seem like those who follow God have it the hardest? 

I have been involved with some serious group praying for these 3 days. Which is why the above scripture spoke to me. I know in the things we all go through, we are to go to God with them. We are to cling and lean on God. Not on our own understanding. But even though this is what we do, we still need others around to help us as well. A support system, if you will. Those to be there when we just can't seem to make it. When we struggle to even form words out of our mouths. God is already there. He knows what we say or think even before we do. 

I look at the reason we are going through what we are going through and know it is because we are His chosen. He chose us and therefore it starts the process of making us like Him. No way is any of it easy. There are times when we think we can't go on, that we can't make it. But God gets us through it. As I watch others around me, I see that what they are going through, I have been through. I know exactly how they are feeling. I know their pain....their fear....but I also know that God will help them through it. Because He helped me. As long as we grab, grasp, seek, search....for Him, He will, in due time, give us that peace that surpasses all understanding. 

My heart feels so heavy. I feel so deeply for them. I wish they didn't have to go through what they are going through, but then if they didn't how else would they draw closer to God?

Psalm 147:3 "3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

I know this because He did this for me. My prayer is for all those who are hurting. Physically, mentally, spiritually.......that God will heal them. He will do it....... Just trust and believe....He will do it.

God Bless!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Mighty, mighty, move.....

Deuteronomy 3:24 "O Sovereign LORD, you have begun to show to your servant your greatness and your strong hand. For what god is there in heaven or on earth who can do the deeds and mighty works you do?

What can I say? God is awesome! This weekend was......I don't even know the correct words to say. It didn't start off great at all. Some issues going on with my 14yr old that really disappointed me. But through this weekend, God opened my eyes to somethings and at the end of this weekend, the joy I felt in the Lord surpassed anything I could comprehend! The above scripture seems so perfect for this. 

The situation with my son is not over, however, I am at peace anyway. I was baptized on Saturday as a re-dedication to my Lord and the blessings (nothing material) have just been pouring in. God knows how serious I am. Raising two boys alone is not an easy task. Especially when they hit those teenage years. This year has not been the greatest for my 14yr old. I have constantly been on him to show responsibility, improve his grades, and just over all to grow up. I feel he's no longer really a kid that should lack responsibility. He's growing into a man, start getting it together. 

I have been spending more time with my family lately and that is a blessing within itself. We had been apart for a specific reason, but God has moved us back closer to each other. My sons usually go over their dad's on the weekend. Well, I had mentioned a birthday party for my cousin (he turned 10 yrs old) to my ex and told him I would tell him the details yesterday. Well, Sat I called to have him drop the boys off and he told me since I hadn't got back to him with information ( I was only going to tell him the time) and he asked my son (my son told him the party was cancelled...so he said...I don't know that for a fact and I didn't ask). Whatever the case, he and the boys were giving me a hard time about coming. I started to get upset, then God turned it around. I dropped the issue. My ex ended up dropping them off at my cousin's house. We had a great time. My aunt is going through some issues and we all surrounded her, laid hands on her , and prayed over her. To my astonishment, my 14 yrs said a beautiful prayer over my aunt. It came from the heart. He made me cry. I walked over to him afteward, wrapped my arms around him, hugged him, kissed him, and told him I loved him and was very proud of what he just did. "CLICK" 
Things changed in that moment. Both the boys wanted to stay longer and when i finally dropped them back with their dad, my 14 yr old asked to come over my cousin's house again the next day. God opened my eyes in that second. He made me realize that I had been hard on my son this year and oh, by the way, when was the last time I had something positive to say to my son?  It takes but a second sometimes, when you are more in tune with God. We spent more time with family the next day. Last night, my oldest son usually just says goodnight, love you, and off to bed he goes. This time he said those things but came over, hugged me and kissed me as well.
The overwhelming joy I felt because of my baptisim, of what God revealed to me about me, and the time spent with my family......was awesome.
(By the way, Sat night I went home and listened to gospel music. I ended up staying up till 3 am and was dancing around and laughing because of the joy the Lord gave me....Thank God there was no one there but me...I felt awful silly at the time!)
God is so good and I just want to hold onto this feeling forever! Awesome, awesome, awesome!

God Bless!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Our Foundation

Matthew 7:24:27 24"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

As I was reading my bible, this scripture stuck out to me. Well, in particular these words "yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock"  It made me think about the times I have fallen. It is something that happens even to those who follow God. It's not that we do this on purpose, it's just we are human and were born into sin. Seems like we spend the rest of our lives trying not to fall. But it will still happen because we are not Jesus. As long as we strive to read His word and develop our relationship with Him, one day we will be able to stand and not fall at all. At least that is my prayer. To one day be able to say I was able to stand and stand tall and not fall at all......would be great.  Is that too much to ask for? Is it possible? Anything is possible with Jesus.....

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Ask, Seek, Knock

I woke up with this scripture on my mind:
Matthew 7:7 (but I want to include v8 as well) "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. "

There is so much emotionally going on with me. It feels as if the enemy is really trying to put me down. The weight is so heavy. Almost all day yesterday, everytime I thought of something, I could feel myself starting to cry. Retelling feelings to a friend, my eyes welled up with tears. Then later talking to my Spiritual Coach, I cried. I couldn't even hold it in anymore. There are times when following God's way gets tough. But we are supposed to stand and understand that God is always there for us. We are to confide in Him. The advice given to me was to 'talk' to God about my deep feelings. My really deep feelings. I did and cried some more. I hear crying is supposed to be good for us. Most of the time I will not agree about that. When my eyes are swollen and my head hurts...that does not feel good. But because of the release last night, I woke up better. It is a brand new day. He has given me another chance to do things right.

So during my talk, I was told to release what I needed to release to God and to ask Him to help me. I had not lately truly asked God for anything. I had just been keeping things inside. That does me no good.  I asked God for peace last night. I asked Him for release from situations. I asked Him for help in situations. I aksed Him how I could help others when I felt so......uuuggghhhh! I felt helpless......Utterly helpless....

Today, I awoke with peace. He granted me that. He will help me with everything else as well. I just need to be patient and trusting. I asked and He granted. I will continue to seek His face, because going backwards is not an option. Whatever doors I come across....."God can I go in?"...if not keep it moving until He opens the one for me. I thank God for the people He has allowed to come into my life to help me. But most of all I thank God for being with me. Because nobody can do you like Jesus!!

God Bless! 

Sunday, April 18, 2010


Deuteronomy 8:5-10 "5 Think about it: Just as a parent disciplines a child, the Lord your God disciplines you for your own good. 6 “So obey the commands of the Lord your God by walking in his ways and fearing him. 7 For the Lord your God is bringing you into a good land of flowing streams and pools of water, with fountains and springs that gush out in the valleys and hills. 8 It is a land of wheat and barley; of grapevines, fig trees, and pomegranates; of olive oil and honey. 9 It is a land where food is plentiful and nothing is lacking. It is a land where iron is as common as stone, and copper is abundant in the hills. 10 When you have eaten your fill, be sure to praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you."

 What wonderful day I had yesterday. Spent alot of time with my family and enjoyed it sooo much. We talked the whole day. It's amazing how much people can talk. No TV, no other distractions. Just good food and talk. It was wonderful. Our conversation ranged from life, death, singleness....It was good. 

Anyway, My cousin read the above scripture to me because our conversation happened upon the promises of God. His promises are in the bible and we are to believe and trust that what He promises will come to pass. In His time. I mentioned to her that I had either read or heard somewhere that His promises are not necessarily fulfilled while we are here on earth. I mentioned there are some in the bible who died without ever seeing their promise. Now I do not know the bible inside and out, and I only say things based on what I have read. Which is why I thoroughly enjoy having spiritual conversations with those who have been in the bible longer. No matter what, I will still read for myself. Never just accept the words out of someone's mouth just because they say it's in the bible. See for yourself...always! ( That's what I have learned)

Anyway, she then proceeded to open her bible and read the above scripture to me. God promises so much to us and what He asks in return is that we believe and follow Him.  He wants us to be happy, He wants the best for us (which is sometimes in direct opposite of what we want) Just like our parents. I tell my children so much the reason I do things is because I love them and want the best for them. Not always do they understand or are happy with the decision, but in the long run, it is for their good. I have to keep remembering this of my Heavenly Father as well. So when I get a little down because something was not given or something is being delayed, I have to remember, God wants to give me the desires of my heart, but I need to keep my faith in Him and obey His ways. 

Roman 8:28 "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."

God Bless!