Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Love, love, love, love, love

Last night, I had this overwhelming feeling of love. Not towards anyone in particular. It was just that I felt it was still possible. That I still believe in it.

Ok, so I have to back up and explain a little. I have gone through my life not really knowing what true love is. Not what people say love is because that type is such a disappointment and not real, to me. Never really seen what true love is. Had a small glimpse, between my grandparents, but I was not around them long enough to fully see it. Not between my parents, my family, my friends. The love I have always seen seems to be so conditional.
If you make me mad, I don’t love you anymore. If you disappointment me, I don’t love you anymore. If you hurt me, I don’t love you anymore. Because you are flawed, I don’t love you anymore. That’s just crazy! (Regardless of all the stupid things we might do or say or even when we have the audacity to walk away from Him, He still loves us!)
So, it is now no wonder why my marriage didn’t work. It wasn’t real love, to me. (Just a random pick of an example)

Anyway, because of bad relationships in my life, whether family or otherwise, I was having a hard time believing in love. Now as far as relationships go……blah!!!
I don’t see any true ones anymore! Not lasting, not true….so why would I feel it would be there for me? Had one failed marriage under my belt and I don’t want another one. People don’t seem to stay true to each other. Then there are people who stay together just out of comfort or fear of being alone…..So as I was watching this movie last night, that overwhelming feeling came over me. I still believe in love! Man was it ever so strong! I woke up this morning and of course, the feeling has left the building! What is going on? I’m conversing with God about this. What is the problem? Why wouldn’t it stay? Then I get this, ‘because the enemy doesn’t want you to do things God’s way!’….WOW….
See along with the thoughts about still believing in love, came the thoughts about the intimacy that is shared between man and woman. That intimacy I want with someone I am in love with as well as that person being in love with me. My mind continues to go on the thought of how magical it will be when it happens, between the two people God intends to be together!

So as I was listening to some sermons today, my mind goes back to this love thing. The thoughts that came in were one that made me want to cry. I had prayed to God before when I was discussing love with Him, I said, “Lord, I say I love you because I do, but I need You to make me feel it in my heart…..I need to feel it there….” And that’s exactly what He keeps trying to do. (See this isn’t the first time I have had this overwhelming love feeling…I just now know what it is!) Who else can give you such an overwhelming feeling like that? No person, I tell you that! He keeps trying to get me to feel love in my heart! When I feel it that strong, it’s not because of anybody….it’s because of Him. But I need to do things His way….there is no other way. He is and always will continue to be amazing to me. His wonders never cease!

Forgive me if it seems like my thoughts are all over the place. It happens like that sometimes.

God is good and He never stops amazing me and I’ll never stop being amazed by Him, as long as I keep my eyes on Him.

Thank you Jesus!!!
God Bless!

Friday, July 9, 2010

So filled!

Such an amazing day! It all started with W.O.W. (Women of the Word Conference). It was truly amazing. The theme was "Forclosure on Sin" and the word was spoken by many different women. All from different churches with one goal. The Word of God. It was deeply powerful. They talked about breaking strongholds and what the Word of God can do. Also spoke of weapons against sin. Talked about forgiveness and repentance. It still amazes me when I come across someone, who I do not know, and when we pray, they pray over me and say so many things that I have been talking to God about! Things from my personal conversation with God. It is truly an awesome thing. It made me cry and cry. I know God hears me but confirmation still blows me away! It was awesome.

But what really, really moved the Holy Spirit within me, was later on. I went back to church for what was called, "One Night with the King...in His Sanctuary"....We were taken through the steps of getting to the Most Holy Place.
The Courtyard:
  1. The gates: John 14:6
  2. The Altar of Burnt Sacrifice: 2 Corinthians 5:21
  3. The Laver: Revelation 1:5
The Holy Place:
  1. The Candlestick: Isaiah 61:1
  2. The Table of Shewbread: John 6:35
  3. The Altar of Incense: Matthew 11:28
The Most Holy Place:
  • The Ark of the Covenant: Hebrews 1:3

There was a mighty move of God there. God was truly present and covering. I praised Him, thanked Him, cried to Him. I didn't want it to end. But what got me the most was towards the end, when the First Lady was saying the final prayer, I just started shaking. Nothing but the Holy Spirit!

It is something because just when I thought I couldn't love God anymore, I was shown otherwise. For all that He has done for me, I can't give Him enough. I am so grateful and thankful for Him being in my life. Nothing or no one is ever worth me losing my relationship with God. I am truly filled tonight...

As I was driving back home, I reflected on one specific thing. My relationship with my oldest son. It hadn't always been good. Especially since he reminded me of his father. He had just texted me to tell me he didn't like where his dad had taken him to eat. I told him to try to find something on the menu he might like. He said ok. Since walking with Jesus, my son and I have become closer. I have finally accepted him for him. He's not an angel, but I always see him trying. And even going on 15yrs old, as he leaves me to visit his father on the weekends, he still kisses me and tells me he loves me. He's not the angry young man I used to see. His loving side has truly come forth, to me and I pray he will continue to keep that loving spirit as he continues to mature. I pray for both of my boys to become Great Men of God. I use to think as a single mother, how could I do this? They need a male to guide them. But guess what? God is showing me something I never knew. That I can guide them as well, with His help. And when the time comes God will send a  true Man of God to come into their lives and continue to guide them.  God is so awesome! Amazing, loving, caring, providing....God is everything and He is everything to me. Thank you Jesus!

God Bless!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Following Him

Thank you sister Alissa, for inspiring today's blog!!
I was once in the dark and now am steadily traveling in the light. Once was blind but now I see. But I still have to be conscious of those who are still in the darkness. I pray for them. Of course, my sister's inspiration brought to remembrance what I had read a couple of days ago. Why people are hesitant to follow Jesus.

Some reasons why people are hesitant to follow Jesus:
  • Fear of making a mistake
  • It threatens their sinful ways
  • Too arrogant and egotistical to change
  • Fear it may put too many demands on their way of life
  • He reminds them of how wrong they are
  • Pride
  • Afraid to offend family tradition
  • Fear of rejection from family and friends
  • Jesus' way may seem too difficult
  • They think it's only for reclusive monks with no life in the real world
  • Waiting for non believing elders to pass on
  • Not willing to accept a vocation
  • Don't understand what the crucifix stands for
  • Still waiting for the Messiah to come
I can tell you right away, for me:
I feared it may put too many demands on my way of life ( it seemed like there were sooo many rules!), He reminded me of how wrong I was ( on sooo many things, you know we as humans hate to be wrong in the first place!), Jesus' way may seem too difficult (He is perfect, I am not, how can I do this?), and they think it's only for reclusive monks with no life in the real world (ok, not for reclusive monks but I was always trying to figure out with all the rules, how was I going to live a happy, fun life?)

I understand people, I understand. However, I also have come to know Jesus. Not know of Jesus, but know Jesus. None of His commandments are like rules to me anymore. He gives us those commandments as a protection for us! He cares and loves us so much. He wants the best for us.

As hard as it is sometimes in this walk, I would rather follow Jesus than anyone in this world. He doesn't ask for much but gives us so much more in return. He has changed my life in so many ways. If people would just give themselves to Him, then they too could be brought into the light, out of darkness. My prayer is for people's eyes to be opened to the most rewarding path they will ever know. Jesus

God Bless!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Lost Souls

"Just because you're not walking the same path as everyone else, doesn't mean you're lost. Sometimes you just have to lose others to find yourself."

There are actually 2 ways of looking at this statement. Either the Christian way or the wordly way.

But this is a statement I read from someone I would say is lost. I will in no way be judgemental regarding this person because that's not who I am. I am not perfect, however time and time again I have read different sayings from this person and according to linning your life up with Christ, it's just not there.

Tell me what good does it do a person to walk with those in the world? What do you gain? What do you lose? It's interesting when I think back to the times I was not walking with the Lord. I felt free. At least when I look back I thought I was. But I really wasn't. I look back and think about the bad decisions I made, mostly because of being selfish, but also based on my response to situations that had occured. My father sheltered my sister and I as we were growing up. Never had 'life' discussions with us. So because of his strictness and no discussions (probably due to his wanting to protect us), once we became 'free', we partied and ended up in bad relationships. For me, because I stayed longer with my dad, I felt like a kid in a candy store once I moved. But funny thing is, when I honestly look back and think about things, God was always there. Even with the stupid mistakes I made. Yes, I went through a very brief stage of going to parties and drinking. But it was very short lived. I ended up not liking alcohol and almost getting 'violated'. Wow, that was not a way to live. So I stopped. But then, it was hard finding a good relationship to be in. So when I met my ex-husband, I thought I was in love. Looking back, I was being so selfish. I chose him because I wanted him to love me. He was different from the other guys I had known, but what I didn't know was he had a different set of issues as well. God was showing me right from the beginning that we were not supposed to be, but I ignored it every step of the way. One of the reasons was because I was not walking with God. 

When you start walking with God, most of the time you will not like what He reveals to you. I know I didn't. But the truth of the matter is, I'd rather not have it any other way. See those not walking with God don't actually know what they are missing. This world has people so convinced that they should be out for themselves and no one else. Everything this world is, God isn't. Selfish, prideful, greedy.....the list goes on and on.

In this book I am reading, called "The Enlightenment: What God Told Me After One Million Prayers", the author said something that at one point I kept questioning 'how?'
"Jesus tried to show us how to live. He spent a major portion of His public life trying to teach us about His Father in heaven and how to save our immortal souls. Jesus also wanted to show man that there are many enjoyments in life one can partake in. Jesus showed us by enjoying good food and good conversation with others. Jesus enjoyed the joys of a sense of humor and the consumption of wine as a relaxing aid. He showed us that it was put here by God for all to enjoy. If you are a married couple, sex is an added enjoyment given by God. He tried to show man that he can enjoy his life fully without breaking any commandments."

Back then, I wasn't really living. I thought I was but I really wasn't. There was never really a time when I could just smile and be happy not because of someone or something. There wasn't a time I could pray for someone I really didn't care for instead of talking about them. There never was a time where I didn't have to prove who I was to someone. Everything I did was tied to someone or something.

Now, He gives me joy that is undescribable at times. I might not particularly care for someone, so I will pray for them. I don't have to tell you who I am or what I am about, my walk will say it for me. God's light shines through me and I will never have to either make people believe I am something I am not, or show people I am something I am not. I pray for those lost souls of this world. Someone I know, recently returned to God. I could not have been happier for that person. I know alot of things they had did. But God always wants His lost sheep. We really are nothing without Him and we are only decieving ourselves when we think we are. I pray people wake up before its too late.

"Just because you're not walking the same path as everyone else, doesn't mean you're lost. Sometimes you just have to lose others to find yourself.".....wordly....you are lost and the only way you will be found is in Jesus.

"Just because you're not walking the same path as everyone else, doesn't mean you're lost. Sometimes you just have to lose others to find yourself."......Christian....Right, you have found the way, the truth, and the light. Sometimes that personal relationship you have with God will make you lose others, but what good does it do to gain the world but lose your soul?