So I lay there and I begin to talk to God. I still go through the "I don't understand" phase of being so overjoyed one day, then feeling weighed down the next. But I have learned when that happens, immediately start talking to God. I used to turn to others to say what was on my mind. To get a feel for what they thought as to why I was feeling that way. Crazy, right? How would they know? I know more about myself then they do and I don't even know. So how would they? So I continue to talk and question some things and before I know it, I'm sleep again. I wake up and apologize to God for falling asleep on Him, but I guess it was supposed to happen. He was giving me peace so I could rest.
More and more lately I have been hearing so many things about focusing less on yourself. I used to focus more on myself before than I do now. He has shown me my issues and I thought, how in the world can I help anybody else when I feel so messed up? But He showed me about that too. Whatever issues I had, whatever trials and tribulations I went through, are testimonies to others. How else would I be able to identify and talk about something I saw my son going through if I hadn't gone through it myself? Or hear and empathize with a girl who is having issues within herself? Or even know what a person feels like after going through a divorce? Many times I wished I didn't have to go through the things I have gone through, or realize the issues I've had or have, but thanks be to God for showing me that all of these things were really not in vain. I am here, not for me, but for others. He does His work in me and I do His work towards others. The world would wonder, 'what do I get out of it?' (yes, I used to wonder that). But the God in me says, "Yes, I am bringing glory to Him!"
I don't have to worry, I don't have to fear, because He will take care of me and supply all my needs. He promised and His word does not come back void.
Isaiah 55:11(NIV) "so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it."
Thank you Jesus!